I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize