yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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