I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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