if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You are a genius and a whore.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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