I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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