i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
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New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
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I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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