Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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