then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
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Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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