So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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