The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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