I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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