I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
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i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
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last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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