This is not my ceiling
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize