I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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