I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Drunk is not a location!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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