Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
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I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
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You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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