I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
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I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
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Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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