But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
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It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
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Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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