Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize