she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize