Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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