So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize