Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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