I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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