I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize