He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
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I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
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I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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