Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
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He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
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I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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