i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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