youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
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i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
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I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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