my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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