i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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