Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
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The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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