it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
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Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
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He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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