3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I didn't shave. On purpose
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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