she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
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He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
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I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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