the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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