thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are my feet made of real feet?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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