Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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