That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
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When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
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You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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