I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize