Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
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Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
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they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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