I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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