Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

What's wrong?

(1-503): View more from Oregon

Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.

(503): View more from Oregon

Pussy.

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(503): What's wrong? (1-503): Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans. (503): Pussy. http://tfl.nu/sltt

Replies (18) Good night (776) Bad night (2130)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face

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(630): Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face http://tfl.nu/tdg0

Replies (28) Good night (2940) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
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(207): View more from Maine

No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.

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(207): No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have. http://tfl.nu/1nc6

Replies (51) Good night (1362) Bad night (3450) Order T-Shirt
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(330): View more from Ohio

She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker

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(330): She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker http://tfl.nu/3dfg

Replies (36) Good night (688) Bad night (5199) Order T-Shirt
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(734): View more from Michigan

So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.

(810): View more from Michigan

You're 20.

(734): View more from Michigan

IT'S BUILD A BEAR!

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(734): So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear. (810): You're 20. (734): IT'S BUILD A BEAR! http://tfl.nu/k2jt

Replies (148) Good night (11274) Bad night (2032)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I drank myself into bisexuality again.

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(314): I drank myself into bisexuality again. http://tfl.nu/eg45

Replies (16) Good night (6013) Bad night (1052) Order T-Shirt
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(989): View more from Michigan

A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz

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(989): A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz http://tfl.nu/g5b4

Replies (6) Good night (2471) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
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(+61): View more from Australia

There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.

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(+61): There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye. http://tfl.nu/nvha

Replies (1) Good night (1396) Bad night (1131)
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(217): View more from Illinois

Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty

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(217): Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty http://tfl.nu/906v

Replies (10) Good night (2039) Bad night (516)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us

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(902): I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us http://tfl.nu/ltgm

Replies (3) Good night (1577) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.

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(603): I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you. http://tfl.nu/zhxc

Replies (3) Good night (706) Bad night (1271)
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(435): View more from Utah

Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.

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(435): Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday. http://tfl.nu/eusa

Replies (4) Good night (839) Bad night (364)
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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom

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(506): I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom http://tfl.nu/kne6

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.

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(506): I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks. http://tfl.nu/uhzd

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(815): View more from Illinois

yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are

(815): View more from Illinois

Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa

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(815): yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are (815): Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa http://tfl.nu/l4r8

Replies (2) Good night (525) Bad night (146)

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