i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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