I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
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He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
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By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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