I can text with my tongue
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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