so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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