if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
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I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
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Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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