i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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