You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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